What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 26.06.2025 14:22
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Why do I feel bad when I see white girls dating black guys, am I racist?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I was scared of men, in general
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The Best Lunch to Eat if You Have High Cholesterol, Recommended by a Dietitian - EatingWell
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
So whats the point in blame.
How the Menstrual Cycle Affects ADHD - The Cut
She was in good health!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
How do you get started in bestiality with a dog as a male?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why do people who were very kind and loving once become cold-hearted?
I never cut or harmed myself..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Terraforming Mars Isn’t Sci-Fi Anymore – Here’s What It Would Take - SciTechDaily
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
How do you make a karaoke version of a song?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Scientists Discover Bizarre Signals Coming From Ice in Antarctica - futurism.com
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
One Risk Of White Wine You’ve Never Heard Of, Research Reveals - MindBodyGreen
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Why are people with Asperger syndrome unenthusiastic?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
New Videos Show How Fantasy Life i Has Been Beefed Up On Switch 2 - Nintendo Life
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But it wasn’t much.
I was very sick at this time too.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My family never makes their pension either.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I have no regrets .
She loved him until the end.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We all went to grammer schools
I don,t even have a pension.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
When she asked me how she looked .
I was 9 years of age.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I couldn’t, believe it.
I will be 64.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Would this be the day?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But, we were locked up after school.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She married twice! .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As i do to all so called friends.?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I waited trembling.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
This is soul school!.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Ive learnt so much.
I think the readers, may guess!
Put me off passion for life!!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
What did i know ?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She wouldn,t have been !
He knew the spot.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
All the time i was locked up.
Especially a lifetime of it.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He resisted the act ,that day.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And i lived it daily.
My life is so biszare .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Comes on , in middle age.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She found it foreign!.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
One cannot live in the past .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We were not on the streets..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I write beautiful poetry .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im still living with it.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was seconnd youngest,
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I could never make a relationship work though!
So, i spoilt her more .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Who then, do I blame.?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
It was going to be , some day.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I said to her
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.